Things I’ve Learnt Over the Last Month Volume VII

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I can tell that you’re all itching for one of my classic brain-dumps where I throw a pile of subjective opinions at you and pretend it’s fact. You know, like a newspaper.

Well here’s the latest edition.

  • Human beings are capable of unthinkable evil.
  • Human beings are also capable of great resilience.
  • If we’re honest with ourselves, the English, as a people group, are not built for warm weather.
  • A Magnum ice-cream is an incomparable experience.
  • I’m also going through twin obsessions with raspberry sorbet and clotted cream ice cream. Summer is not good for me.
  • The wide-leg trend is great for warmer weather as it gives your legs room to breathe. Skinny jeans on a hot day is a form of modern torture.
  • Being a tourist is all well and good, but there’s nothing like seeing a place from a local’s perspective.
  • Nothing revives you quite like spending quality time with good friends.
  • Befriending people who are in positions to give you free coffee is essential.
  • The whole ‘summer body’ thing isn’t exactly going to plan, and summer is just going to have to take what it gets at this point, to be honest.

Things I’ve Learnt Over the Last Month Volume VI

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Like the citizens of Narnia, I never quite thought we’d make it through winter and am continuously shocked at how the spring sun continues to shine. I’m half expecting it to snow tomorrow.

Regardless, this year is chugging along rather determinedly and we’re already halfway through April. That’s almost a third of 2017 all used up.

As a rule, I try as much as possible to avoid learning things. I’m no longer in education, so surely that means I already know all there is to know. Occasionally however, some new nugget of knowledge will slip through the blockades and plant itself firmly into the recesses of my mind.

Here are some from the last month.

  • Spring is my absolute favourite.
  • I’m really into politics. Sorry, I mean political drama TV shows. Same thing, right?
  • Beetroot isn’t completely unassailably, irredeemably disgusting. Just quite disgusting.
  • Time just gets faster and faster. Unless you’re at work. Then it gets slower and slower, until you leave work, at which point it immediately speeds up again.
  • TV show Scandal is woefully underrated in this country.
  • Sunshine always puts me in a good moods.
  • God is greater than I ever could have imagined.
  • There is such a thing as too much McDonald’s.
  • York’s coffee shop scene is unparalleled.
  • If I keep consuming coffee at my current rate I’ll be bankrupt before the year is out.
  • Americans think that “burgularize” is a word. Bless them.

 

 

Things I’ve Learnt Over The Last Year

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Longtime followers of this blog, all three of you, will remember that I used to do a regular feature called Things I’ve Learnt Over the Last Month. Clearly I haven’t learnt much recently as it’s been over a year since I last blessed you with my pearls of fatuous wisdom.

We’re well into 2017 now but I think we can all agree that 2016 was a… let’s say special year. So here is a list of non-related conclusions that I have drawn from my last 12 months on planet Earth.

 

  • It will never not surprise me just how early it starts getting dark in the winter.
  • You should take every chance to travel that comes your way. Not just abroad, but new cities, towns and even places in your own location you don’t know well. There’s so much world out there.
  • Beauty is very often in the details.
  • Having incorrectly predicted the results of two of the West’s biggest elections, it is clear that I know very little about politics. And neither do pollsters, it would seem.
  • The Belgian people are a lot prouder of Stella Artois than they should be.
  • If 2016 has taught us one thing, it’s that death is no respecter of fame, money, talent or power.
  • I’ll never not love my friends.
  • I’ll also never not love Friends.
  • I’m now officially a (reluctant) fan of Little Mix. What can I say? Those girls make some catchy songs. This is exactly what happened with Taylor swift in 2014 when I started liking her deviously addictive music against my will and now I’d happily follow that woman into war. I’m a little worried about where this Little Mix thing is going, to be honest… I mean, there’s four of them. Imagine how much more power they can wield over me.
  • I’m not that great at making decisions.
  • God loves me more than I can possibly wrap my head around.
  • Having not been a student for over a year now, I’m now fully able to go to nice bars for drinks without wanting to go to a club. It’s a thing now.
  • Apparently I’ve been kicking footballs wrong my whole life. Oh well.

 

Hope you enjoyed this compilation of my inane musings about life. This year I’ll try and keep them a little more regular.

Have a great 2017.

Things I’ve Learnt Over the Last Month Volume V

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Ah the 70s. When trousers weren't trousers unless the hems were wider than your hips.

Ah the 70s. When trousers weren’t trousers unless the hems were wider than your hips.

A lot has changed since I wrote my last one of these posts. I’ve completed a degree course…… ok that’s it. But that’s a big one, right? Anyway, here’s a list of subjective opinions that I will force upon you as fact. Like a lecturer.

  • They need to stop rebooting Spiderman. Poor Toby McGuire must feel awful.
  • In a shocking plot twist worthy of Shonda Rhimes, I’ve recently started to enjoy playing football and other sporting endeavours – something that has never really happened before. Coupled with my recent discovery that I no longer find beer retch-inducing, I can only assume that I’m going through some form of late macho puberty, or someone’s been slipping testosterone into my food.
  • As you can imagine, I’m suitably horrified at what seems to be an unavoidable descent into traditional, idiotic masculinity, but I’ve decided to accept my fate. Consequently, I’ve begun dragging my knuckles on the ground while I walk and harassing women in the street. Oi oi, love!
  • Also, I now genuinely enjoy tonic water. What’s all that about?
  • The 70s are coming back into fashion. (See above picture.) The fashion-literate among us have known this for a while now, but this is a PSA for the layperson. You’re welcome.
  • In stark contrast to the wine I’ve become accustomed to, good wine doesn’t burn your throat when you swallow it. The rich really know how to live.
  • 3 years isn’t really a long time.
  • University has been a tremendous experience for me. I don’t have the verbal capacity to fully express what the last 3 years have meant to me, but it’s been great, York. It’s been great.
  • I love Instagram. It feeds my superficial personality.
  • Some things change all the time.
  • Some things never change.
  • It’s great to do things and go to places and meet people and just to be alive.
  • After working so hard for so long on my dissertation, it’s almost worrying how quickly I’ve receded into lazy nothingness. I can’t even remember what it felt like to work.
  • Being able to sing Taylor Swift’s song 22 is the only thing I’m looking forward to about my birthday in 2 months.

Things I’ve Learnt Over the Last Month Volume IV

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It’s been a while. Here are some more musings from yours truly:

  • After 4 years, I finally like beer, and as such, have finally become a real man. And as such, have retrogressed several evolutionary stages.
  • Always be as nice as possible to everyone you meet. This great guy I know put it like this. Aside from moral reasons, you’ll honestly be surprised at when/how you get paid back.
  • It’s ok to fail. It’s ok. Honestly.
  • (But don’t take the piss.)
  • I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Friends and family are indispensable.
  • Netflix make some of the best TV. Good on them.
  • Netflix will ruin ambitions and your social life. Don’t do it, kids.
  • I was going to write something about procrastination, but I’ll do it later….
  • Three years can go by in what feels like weeks, but a three hour lecture can feel like several lifetimes.
  • Barbers don’t listen. But, to be fair, they know what they’re doing.
  • Having had my last ever lecture, I aim to never learn anything ever again. So I’m afraid this will be the last of these ‘Things I’ve Learnt’ posts.
  • Kidding. Obviously you never stop learning. And my lectures taught me very little anyway. If anything, I’ll probably learn more now.

Things I’ve learnt over the past month – Voume III

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It’s been about 6 months since I last wrote one of these lists. Six long months. How have you managed? Enjoy:

  • You can write 8000 words of essay in 48 hours. It won’t be good and it won’t make sense, but they’ll definitely be words, and there’ll definitely be 8000 of them. And that’s all you were asked to do, right? Right??
  • You should NEVER write 8000 words of essay in 48 hours. Don’t do it, kids. Just don’t.
  • Primark is my spiritual home.
  • Earl Grey tea is bae.
  • The Earl Grey is/was probably bae too.
  • Snapchat can be a force for great good or great evil.
  • Re-watching yourself slowly lose grip on reality, due to sleep deprivation, on your Snapchat story is definitely in the latter category.
  • I’d be nothing without my God, my family, and my friends. Absolutely nothing.
  • I’m currently going through a likely fleeting affair with the music of Bowling for Soup.
  • “High school never ends.”
  • I quite like using Oxford commas nowadays.
  • You expect this sentence to prove my point by using an Oxford comma, don’t you? Well jokes on you, none to be found here. Try Cambridge.
  • The above was the worst joke I’ve told this year. But 2015 is still young….
  • Violin, piano, or acoustic guitar covers of popular songs are great study music. (There was your damn comma. Happy now?)
  • So is Ludovico Einaudi’s work, but we knew that already, didn’t we?
  • Futurama is hilarious.
  • Mulled wine tastes good cold. It’s like Sangria.
  • Emily Blunt is hilarious in Into the Woods, and probably in life tooAbsolute scene-stealer.
  • I want Emily Blunt and James Corden’s characters’ relationship. Minus all the curses and evil neighbours, obviously. Just the banter.
  • I miss my Android tablet.
  • Cocoa butter from Poundland doesn’t burn your skin. What a pleasant surprise.

Things I’ve learnt over the last month – Volume II

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Here’s another list of semi-truths that I’m going to shove down your throats. Enjoy.

  • Children are too cool nowadays. I don’t like it. Why are you dressed better than me? You’re 10.
  • Netflix is the best/worst thing to happen to entertainment. And my social life.
  • Mcvitie’s ‘Boasters’ are a revelation.
  • The original ‘House of Cards’ series (set in British parliament instead of the White House) is ridiculously underrated.
  • Normcore is a confusing ‘trend’ (I’m using inverted commas to reference the debate within the fashion world on the validity of describing the promotion of simplicity as a trend.) Anyway, with this normcore business, how am I supposed to judge people’s apparent lack of flair when they might be purposely toning it down? It’s like the whole ironic hipster thing. Are you genuinely wearing ‘meggings’ and ‘Muggs’ and, even worse, are you genuinely using the terms ‘meggings’ and ‘Muggs’? Because that’s unacceptable. If you’re doing it ironically however….
  • If you read all of the last point, instead of skipping to this one halfway through, you have more patience than I do.
  • The best benefit of being ill is the constant supply of fresh flowers from friends and well-wishers.
  • I am undeniably and unacceptably unfit.
  • Loom bands are like heroin to children. For now, at least.
  • List articles are the new breed of non-article: quick and easy to write with little substance. This post is a case in point. (That’s not to say that all list articles are vapid and don’t require much work. Imagine how long it must take the good people at Buzzfeed to find/make all those gifs.)
  • Children have too much energy. Slow down, cretins.
  • In 3 short years of adulthood, I have progressed almost fully into an old fogey.
  • Laughter is indispensable
  • Everything that I do is annoying in other people.
  • Hypocrisy is only ok when I do it. When I do it, it’s cute.
  • A box of ‘Celebrations’ is not an appropriate wedding present.

Things I’ve learnt over the last month….

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You probably didn’t see this coming, given the misleading title, but this is going to be a list of things. Things I’ve learnt. Things I’ve learnt over the last month.

  • I have very little willpower
  • I have very little focus
  • The British public cannot be trusted with democracy
  • In the grand scheme of things, humans are really frail and powerless
  • God is amazing
  • Classical music helps me study
  • Ludovico Einaudi is a boss
  • Sometimes life just works out
  • Sometimes it doesn’t
  • You can be perfectly happy, but not realise you’re somehow a little sad underneath
  • Bucket hats are apparently coming back for some reason
  • Fifteen years later I still hate bucket hats, no matter how “smart” my mother claims they look
  • I’ve relaxed into a slouchy 90s casual everyday look. And I’m ok with that
  • The 90s called. They want their clothes back
  • Family is amazing
  • Friends are pretty great too
  • It’s surprising how much you can do on very little sleep
  • It’s surprising how much you can sleep when you’ve done very little
  • My life is amazing.